Baba don’t preach

I wrote this blog while we were in India, after we spoke to many people with a similar story. Even though we live in very different times right now, I figured I’d still post it as it’s something I felt strongly about at the time, and still do.

Some of us ‘westerners’ go to India on a spiritual journey. A break from negativity and pressure. Especially in Western Europe, there’s this understanding that India is a magical country, where you can find answers to questions you didn’t even know you had. Apart from the wonderful landscapes, architecture, food and culture, we are on an inward journey. This romantic image of India, where people hope to drift down a stream of spirituality, can lead to dangerous situations. People go to India to find themselves, but often find themselves in trouble.

Before, we wrote about the fake Brahmins selling karma for money. Traditionally dressed men who target foreign tourists. They start the conversation with a smile and a small gift, subconsciously winning your trust. The scams always leave you with a little less money than you had and a bittersweet taste, which later turns into a funny story. These experiences are generally harmless, if you accept the fact that you’ve been fooled (and don’t try to fight the scammers for it). The truth is, many of us know India through pictures, as it’s one of the most picturesque places on earth. Many of the famous photographs star colourfully dressed men, with long beards and painted faces. Most of us experience excitement when we encounter these faces on the streets of India for the first time. The thought that these inspirational beings could be out to exploit us simply doesn’t cross our minds. In tourist destinations, however, many of these people are on the job. You imagine these men, who seem to be floating towards you, are talking to you to pass on countless generations of ancient wisdom, but often, it’s because they see an opportunity.

These opportunities are not always money-related. We have recently been hearing horror stories about “fake Sadhus”. A Sadhu, also often called ‘Baba’ as a sign of respect, is a religious Hindu, who dedicate their lives to finding “Moksha” (freedom of Samsara – the cycle of death and rebirth), by means of meditation and certain rituals. They are deeply spiritual people, free from any materialism. They do not have possessions, but live on the gifts others give them as a sign of respect. As I’m writing this, I’m not even sure I get it right. It’s difficult to paint a picture of something I can’t fully understand. As there is nothing like this in the place we are from, our fascination with them is real. When coming to India, you will undoubtedly encounter someone who fits this image. Often men with long white beards, dressed in orange or white. Some you find near temples, some on the streets, some in meditation places or even caves. Some ask for money (warning sign) and others do not. I haven’t encountered enough Baba’s to separate the real from the fake.

The worst stories involve sexual abuse through manipulation. We’ve come across several young women (in their early twenties) seeking meditation and some sort of enlightenment, who have crossed paths with a wrong Baba. A recurring pattern, is a feeling of fascination and respect these women initially have. They want to know all about the life and lessons the Baba can teach them. These women are friendly and respectful people. As with myself, they like to see the good in people and believe that mistrusting others can close doors that could lead to wonderful, life-changing insights. It’s a good mentality that has proven to be true when encountering honest people. Sadly, the horror stories aren’t about good people, as the label might suggest. In their first encounters, the meetings are often innocent. The (fake) Baba’s teach about meditation, listen to the stories that brought the young women to India and provide inspirational lessons and meditation methods. Often, they build a certain bond as tutor and student. This sometimes happens over a series of encounters, but can also happen in one long conversation. With that bond of trust, they meditate together. In the occasions we learned about, the fake Baba’s misused this trust and took advantage of their victims. The acts are not just defined as physical abuse, but (as with most abuse cases) begin and end with psychological abuse. The women often are aware that something isn’t quite right, but are told that these negative feelings are simply ego-driven and stand in the way of them reaching their desired goals. In other words, they need to stop thinking too much and just “go along with it”. They get manipulated into ignoring their gut feeling and their normal barriers crumble away. It results in a feeling of guilt. ‘How could I let this happen?’ – they wonder. Some don’t even speak about it. We only learned of those who were comfortable enough to open up about it.

In my opinion, being alone with a complete stranger in a secluded place is as naïve as it is courageous. I consider myself a strong woman who knows her boundaries. I also consider myself adventurous and open minded. It would be too black and white to state that these horror stories only happen to naïve women. Manipulation by someone you look up to is very common. Even the strongest person can start doubting their judgement, if expectations are high and her manipulator plays it right.

I believe it’s good to take calculated risks sometimes. It can help develop and strengthen you as a person. In our journey, we have constantly been weighing up the balance between risk and reward, encountering situations that could have gone wrong if the people we trusted turned out to have bad intentions. I do believe that most people are good and mean well, and the vast majority of the people we have met have been exactly that. But this belief can also cloud our judgement. In most situations, if your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong, it probably is. You might not always be in a dangerous situation, but it’s important to remain in a position to explore your gut feeling and be able to act upon it accordingly. Allowing yourself to end up alone at night with a stranger in a cave (which is the scene of the worst story we heard), is perhaps a risk too far. Maybe it’s easy for me to say, as we’re traveling as a couple. Maybe we’ve been lucky that nothing went wrong so far. Or maybe we are unlucky, because this mentality has made us miss out on beautiful, life-changing experiences. Whichever it is, so be it.

The advice we’ve been given and what we try to follow, is: don’t allow something to happen in India, that you wouldn’t allow to happen in your home country. But on that note… We did let our ears be cleaned by random strangers on the streets, prodding our ears with a needle and tweezers. That wasn’t our finest moment. Turned out we got scammed too (they actually put the dirt in our ears haha).

And finally: I am not saying that you can’t find spirituality and wisdom on the streets of India. On the contrary – it’s everywhere! For me personally, magic is hidden in subtle places. I find in nature, the rich history of the country and conversations with locals and other travellers.